Still...

I'm still waiting. Waiting like Forest Gump in the bench of the bus station. The buses come. They stop. They honk and go. People come, set, speak and go. They speak, we speak, you speak, we laugh, we cry, I cry, they cry. They take a bus and go. I stand up, follow the bus a little, and then I remember that I have an important thing to do. I'm waiting. Waiting for a miracle to come and can't find me in the bench of the bus station.


I'm still waiting. It shouldn't remain like this. It shouldn't be spent this way. There should be a change. It must find its way among these too many earthen ways, among these too many correct and wrong tableaus, among these too many colorful buses. That happening, that miracle must come, must comes and changes things, me and my life. You see? Change no; exchange. miracle exchanges, converts. It converts rods to dragons and seas to deserts. I don't want any helps. I don't want any prescriptions and plans. I want that miracle. What if god sent a boat for Moses instead of that miracle? Of course I'm not Moses, and there is no pharaoh's corps behind me. But my problem can be solved just by that miracle.


I… I'm unsatisfied. A complainant. I complain. I nag. I want more, like Oliver Twist, I'm not satisfied with a single scoop of that watery soup. I'm different. I'm different even from Oliver Twist. I want more, I want the miracle. I look at the horizon and I can't see the truck; I'm looking for the truth and I can't hear its honks. The truck passes on me and I'm thinking what a density has this red hot fluid and how properly I can fill the blanks of the street. It shouldn't remain this way. It must change. And I'm ready, ready to…ready for…I'm ready to wait for it in perpetuity.


I look at my palms. I can see myself through those bold lines. I'm still waiting, old and dodderer, on that very bench, on that very station; still waiting. I look at my watch now and then. (There are no hands in my watch; it shows just dates.) It's a long time that no bus stops in the station. It's a long time that no one sets in the station. It's such a long time that the only thing which is remaining is my bench in the station. I look at the horizon and I'm sure…I'm sure that she will come someday.

Father

Son: what is history?
Grandfather: all the things which happened in the past is history.
Son: yesterday that we went to the zoo was history?
Grandfather: no, because it wasn't important.
Son: is my father's date of death history?
Grandfather: no.
Son: but he was important to me.

Baraka

Have you ever felt this? That out of the blue, the world and all living moments within it stop in front of your eyes? Have you? What did you do toward that goddamn moment? That goddamn feeling? I'm wondering these days. Actually I care too much and it's bad and I know it, but I can't resist cuz it persists! Days come without any discipline and go. I think I got this disease after watching that goddamn documentary. Oh god, I'm dog-tired. What am I doing? What happen to my picture-perfect life? Now the only thing that I can attach myself to is the feeling of the beginning of a happening…now, I don't know where I am! Do I see things in the time of their happening or in the time of expecting them to happen? But I get the point, you know… no matter how hard I try to ignore it…no matter how hard I try to close my eyes to it…but it's real…that is to say we, the human beings, try hopelessly to link ourselves to the past or to the future, but you see, we just making a cocoon cuz we're weak to see and grasp the present time.
The only thing that I must do is to pretend that everything is all right. I know I can do it; I know cuz I'm doing it throughout these years; pretending.
It's easy.




*the name of this silly entry is the name of that spectacular documentary which speaks to my mind and soul. Don't think that your experience of watching that is the same that I had! Its effect is somehow like the effect of the film About Elli. Trust me! I question those who watched it!

King of the Squares!

I wanna talk about a square in this entry…it means a lot to me, I mean that square. Let's dub it the king of all the squares in the world; in the case you scratch beneath the surface! Sadeghiyeh Square( mostly it is called a traffic circle but I prefer call it a square); somewhere that you can feel the flow of the life…its paces, its beats, wow… fast and furious, stillness and quietness, colorful lights in the blueberry nights, modern and state of the art…pretty angels and Gashte Ershads! (these days they are gone because of the election time) luxuries and trifle stuffs, Pahlevoon Mamad and his obvious lies, moving buses and crazy traffic lights, rare vendors and junk malls, …wow…its sunny days and rainy nights…hot afternoons with carrot-ice cream( hamoon havij-bastanie khodemoon!) in the summertime, summer-love, happiness and shining sun; hot chocolate in the frizzing evenings in the wintertime, winter-break up, tears and rain…see?…inspiring, motivating and stimulating…wow, lovers and broken-hearted people, together, they are waiting for the bus; what a paradox!…I can feel it there…underneath its stars; among the crowds, in the malls, behind the hedges, in front of the Esteghlal Park, next to its pool; in my heart.
I'm telling ya… Sadeghiyeh has supreme rank among the others squares; San'at Square? Ferdosi? Vanak? Hasan Abaad? Tupkhune( Emam Khomeyni)? Argentine? Felestine? Emam Hossein? Khorasan? Shush? Ghiam? Gomrok? Mohseni? Valiasr? Ghods? Haft Hoz? Emamat? Jomhuri? Sarv? Kaj? Pastor? Enghel( hamun Enghelab!)? Olympic? Otrish? Shahid Mahalati? (The followings squares do not exist anymore: Noor? Tohid? Sabze Meydune?)…EVEN AZADI!!! See? I said EVEN AZADI with all its beauty and magnificence…they are nothing in comparison with Sadeghiyeh…they are nothing except routine lives, so let them rest! But the life that is flowing in Sadeghiyeh is extraordinary...a warts and all biography…it can breathe just like you, and it can seduce you as well. Take it for granted!

I can't imagine the Tehran City without the Sadeghiye Square…that's all!



Hope to see you there :D

Yesterday Afternoon's so-called Philosophical Despair!!!

I can't recall the exact time, but I'm sure it was afternoon and I was in DIN O ZENDEGI class. I can't recall whether I laughed or not, but, at least, I'm sure there was a smile on my face when I heard a sentence like this:" all the pleasures in this world are momentary, temporary and so forth and so on…
Now, after the passing of the years from those black and white frames, when I think deeply about that sentence, still I don't know the proper answer toward that and suddenly I see myself in that black and white frame, with my friends-probably laughing!
Excuse me-please read it with Morteza Azimi's accent! - I must say it in Persian: dige hichi hal be adam nemide! As simple as that Farsi sentence. But don't think that I'm thinking about suicide or something, not at all. Now I'm feeling suspense; As if I am a bubble or something and suddenly BOOM! However, maybe it's your pleasure time or even recalcitrant time! when you are flicking through this new post, I don't know…maybe you are in park, waiting for your girlfriend to come, so if you read these sentences, you will burst into laughter. Maybe you are shaving your face and now you are thinking about a cold lemonade juice and just that, nothing else…listen baby….your girlfriend will come and after that sweet meeting, bet your bottom dollar that you are alone again with an empty wallet( I think just Agha Motreza can escape from this dreadful and painful part of life)! Don't forget your face; you must shave it again dude!
Now what? Which dissertation? Grasping THE MOMENT in the moments or planning and sketching for our following days and nights…


I just don't know!

Kingdom of the Sun

If you look up the term kamikaze in your dictionary you'll find a definition like this: "used to describe someone who is willing to take risks, without caring about their safety."


Churchill sent a letter to Roosevelt, the president of the states, with this purport that the Allies had enough encumbers in the heart of Europe and they couldn't take measures about this new hellish might . USA had to face it before they lost every thing. USA had to fight with Japan.

American Army general, Douglas Macarthur, started to attack Japan, but Japan responded to the actions in the Pearl Harbor and annihilated all American naval forces in the Pacific Ocean. But in the Midway Battle, American bombers bombarded Japanese's great armada; on the other hand Britain put a stop to Japanese's advance. Japan was in the center of a war of attrition just like Germany.
A Japanese fleet admiral, Takishiro Onishi, after a short training course, decided to do something quite peculiar i.e. he said goodbye to his coworkers, boarded his fighter with 200 kilo explosives and vanished forever…at first American generals considered the attacks and encounters as a stroke of luck…but there was a blizzard on the way of Americans…
In 1944, when American navies were involved in the greatest maritime war ever, they faced bunches of Japanese fight. From every branch maybe one of the fighters could approach the American navies in per attack; however, the very one fighter was enough to sink a navy into the deep blue. Just in the Okinawa battle, in 1945, 2000 Japanese pilots pierced 300 American battleships; Japan just owned 64 battleships that time. The pilots those were famous as Kamikazes were the only reason of Japan's standing against the allies.
General Macarthur sent a latter to Truman, the new president, and explained the Japanese's motivation." In the case that you wanna win this war, you have two ways to react: first you must accept the death of one million of American troops and second…you need a miracle!"
Truman ended this war with Fat Man and Little Boy.

American naval forces didn't show any pictures and documentaries of Kamikazes' missions for many years. Images show that most of the Japanese pilots were about 17 to 22 years old and most of them were all educated students. There were some statements in the frameworks of their fighters like this: "I like my life but my country is more important than my life."

Kamikaze means wind of god in Japanese. It has been said that when Mongolian wanted to attack Japan, there was a blizzard that stopped them. Japanese called that blizzard kamikaze.

Fatigue

Centuries must come and go
Seas must be vacant and full over and over
Springs must become long and short
And even the people of world change for several times…
In order that a stone becomes a fossil

Hey…

Don't be deceived with the stones
Don't be deceived by their happiness

fatigue is the only thing that is needed for your fossilization…